Huh?

So on new years eve our associate pastor gave us out little questionaires, he called them an "opportunity to reflect and dream" , to fill in about how God had worked in our lives during 05, One lesson we had learnt in 05 , how our faith had been in 05, one regret in 05 etc etc then through into 06 and what our hopes for our faith would be, what we would like to change etc in 06 and our desires for 06, blah blah.
I have not forgot about this little sheet of paper that I purposely put into my day planner so I would see it and remember what I wrote that ngt, even though it is there however i have found that I still have not changed in 06 the one thing I wrote about, My procrastination, I am forever putting things off, I hate confrontation so would rather pull my hair out and my fingernails off than tell someone how they are making me feel, I hate having to write essays and would rather waste time blogging or emailing than actually doing it, even though I always end up enjoying writing them, and always feel better once i have confronted the person about the way they are behaving, I hate when I keep myself so busy that I refuse to listen to God, to spend time with him because I know my actions have disapointed him and he wants to confront somethings, and again I know I will feel better, that place of surrender is a place of freedom, does anyone have the answer to why I, we, as a race do this, I like living independantly, I don't like the feeling of someone putting to much faith in me or relying on me, you see I'm a runner and dont like to feel trapped, (was chatting with a lady at work and she knocked it on the head when she said I really was a free spirt) so you see it is alien to me to live this life of surrender, I find it so hard to be held unto by God, the things he hates are sometimes the very things that I seem to stumble right into, yet through it all he is still there, holding on, so gently, to prevent me from running, he knows me better than I know me and is aware of how subtle he has to be with me, he knows i work better that way, never forcing me to talk, never forcing me to spend time with him, but desiring it non the less. He is such a gentleman. yet I hurt him daily, my sin causes so much hurt to him, it breaks his heart, more than i can ever imagine, and i don't just mean a bruised heart that we humans sometimes have, i mean a completly broken heart right into pieces, one thing God is talking to me about is how I break his heart, I dont want to be responsible for that, but I am, I need to stop being rebellious and just be up front and honest and just say sorry, thats all it takes really, a genuine sorry....so why the procratination?